Kids are the Comedians of Life

Can I just be honest for a minute and say that it took me a second to remember the site to type in for my blog?  Probably because my phone has the wordpress app and has made me totally lazy, but mostly because I have not blogged in about forever.  However.  At least a few of you stalk me on facebook so you probably know that I am done with grad school until mid-January-since I posted about being done-very loudly-several times-but that means that now I have much less of an excuse to not blog.  Plus, I missed y’all!  Aww, feel the love and crap.

Anyways, my children-both born and unborn- are a total hoot lately.  Corinne and Ashlynn had their toddler beds both moved into the same bedroom a few days ago as prep for the coming baby, and it was nothing if not memorable.

First Corinne happily advised that we should put the infant in the bushes, on the roof, or in the tiny alcove we call the attic.  She helpfully added that we could cut a window out of the wall for it if we wanted.  Or not.  She didn’t really care, she just didn’t want anyone to touch her stuff.

We decided to do this move now because they are getting bunk beds in December and a sibling in April, and I am so not throwing all that junk at them at once or it will be Kidmaggeddon 2013.

So anyways, moving furniture was fun.  And finding long-lost toys stuffed in cracks behind furniture was super-duper fun.  Also Corinne had like eight rolls of tape in various crevices of her art desk.  Which, what the hell, you know?

So we moved their stuff and rearranged and asked them to put at least some of their millions of toys into a bag for less fortunate kids, and at the end there were like two McDonald’s toys and a used tissue in there because Hey! Generosity!

So there was much joy and jumping on each other’s beds and celebrating.  And then exactly seven minutes later (I looked at the clock) Corinne comes flying out screaming that Ashlynn was touching her stuff and she DID NOT WANT TO SHARE A ROOM OMG NEV-AH!!  Haha too bad.  I am five months pregnant and only move furniture once a day so there.  Also they totally got over it and are doing just fine.  Although I did hear mutinous mutterings of “my side” and “your side,” but all I could think was that made a damn good I Love Lucy episode, so if a reenactment occurs I will probably become parent of the year and just laugh the whole freaking time.


Ashlynn has seriously been coming into her own on the whole sense of humor thing, too!  The other day we were watching a movie and the villain got all bitchy and Ashlynn looked at me and said “MAN, does she need a nap!”  Because my kid is awesome that way.

Corinne has decided to try to get her misdeeds done by telling Ashlynn to do them.  So she will whisper something for her to do.  But here’s the thing-she totally sucks at whispering.  Really.  Like I will be in the kitchen and hear her say “HEY ASHLYNN TOUCH THE TV WITH YOUR SUCKER.”  At volume ten.  Because she seems to think if she puts her hand next to her mouth, it makes her whisper?  I guess?  So then I have to tell her I heard her and to cut the crap, and she’s all like “How did you EVER hear me?”  And to set myself up for the teen years I see coming, I tell her that mothers hear everything and there is nowhere to hide.  Ha!

The unborn child is behaving as well as can be expected.  We are about half done baking our bun, as I will be twenty weeks on Monday woohoo!  I get lots of punches and bops and kicks now, and the other day Kirk had his arm across me and it got him good so he told it it was grounded for the next twenty weeks.  But still with the barfiness.  The thing is, I can go two or three days now and be fine but just when I think maybe I am over it, my body is like “Hahaha no way GAG at everything!”

I am just super happy to have an ultrasound on Monday and stop calling it “it.” Gah, I cannot stand that.  Although seriously, major pressure from all quarters to have a boy, what with the two girls and all.  To which I say tough, it will be what it will be and that was decided long before we even knew we were pregnant.

So, the gender announcement.  I want to do something special for this child, because I have seriously dropped the mom ball on this pregnancy.  With the first two I had a little pregnancy calendar that counted down the days and you’d put little stickers on for doctor appointments and stuff.  Well, they don’t sell them anymore so that’s kind of out of my hands.  But I also took a picture every month with the girls and I have a grand total of one for this pregnancy so far.  Ooops.  (Although to some people I am apparently too thin-such as the girl from my grad class that felt the need to inform me that I really should follow doctor’s orders and eat more-what-the-ever-loving-hell?)

So I thought…hey!  Gender announcement and Christmas cards!  And I think I may have been the only person to ever think of this because Google seriously let me down and now I am disillusioned.  It gave me this:

Um, no?

So, I dunno.  I want to do something with maybe a belly shot and a blue or pink ribbon or possibly a blue or pink onesie.  Maybe with a “Do Not Open Until April 2013” tag or something?  I dunno.  There’s a really fine line here between sweet and cheesy.  So if you have any ideas, let me know!


Top 10 Reasons It Is Awesome to Be a Parent

On Christmas Eve, after the kids were asleep and my husband and I had lugged all the presents from Santa’s Workshop (aka the closet upstairs) and laid them under the tree, I stood back and clapped my hands and squealed like a little girl.  Because I do things like that.  And I said “I can’t wait to see their faces in the morning!  This has to be one of the top ten best things about being a parent!”

And my husband looked at me and said: “I want to see that list.”

After asking for further explanation, he told me that he wanted to see the rest of the top ten list.  Obviously, playing Santa was on it, but what else?  What were the top ten things (or moments) that made parenting so incredibly worth it?  Well, my friends, that was just a blog post waiting to happen…but it took some serious thought on my part first.

Parenthood is the hardest, scariest, most frustrating, rewarding, awesomest job ever.  In no particular order, here’s why:

(May I add that at this point I had to stop typing this entry for 15 minutes while I cleaned up the juice my two-year old dumped all over our computer desk.  Ah, parenthood.)

Playing Santa

Obviously!  There are few things more magical than seeing your children’s eyes light up when they walk into the living rom Christmas morning and see that, at long last, Santa has come!  I do (and will continue to do) everything I can to perpetuate the Santa myth to my kids.  Christmas takes on a whole new meaning when you literally become Santa for someone!

Snuggles and Cuddles

They happen at random, and most of the time when you need them most.  When your child is on your last nerve and you are about to explode and then they just come running up to you and give you the biggest hug possible.  Nothing beats hugs and kisses for stress relief, ya know.  I personally enjoy early morning, just-got-out-of-bed, tousled hair cuddles the most.  But they’re all good.  Oh yes, all good 🙂

Sleeping on Your Lap

Oh, the absolute trust these kids have in you.  They curl right up and fall asleep on you without thinking twice.  And you will do anything..put a stop to your day..let vital appendages fall aslep…just to make sure you don’t have to move and wake them.  As my kids get older, they do this less and less…I really miss it!  (So now we have slumber parties and crash on the floor together as a substitute!)

Singing Happy Birthday

This is up there with playing Santa.  Nothing beats the joy that lights up a child’s face while the whole room focuses on them and sings happy birthday before that big moment of blowing the candles out.  And to know that you orchestrated this, set up a party, bought a cake, and made that moment happen?  Whoa.  Just whoa.

Being Born

Birth is special.  Ok, there are a lot of things about childbirth that suck, especially for the mom, of course, but this quote about sums it up:

“God may be hard to find in this world, but seeing your baby born is as close to a burning bush as you get.”

In that instant when two people in the room become three, when you go from being a husband and a pregnant woman to a family.  There’s no other magic like that.  None on this earth.

Laughing Together

My children crack me UP.  They say the funniest things, usually completely out of the blue.  They keep me rolling.  For example, the other day we were driving down the road, when just completely offhandedly my four-year old asked “Hey Mom, is it okay if I say shit?”  I about drove off the road from laughing so hard.

Watching Them Sleep

This obsession starts at birth and apparently never stops.  There is something incredibly peaceful about watching your child sleep. (For more reasons than just one…I mean, now Mommy can break out the wine.)  You watch them breathe, tuck the covers around them, smooth back their hair, give a gentle kiss…sigh…contentment.

Listening to Them Pretend

Sometimes my daughters decide they hate our dog, and they choose one of their rooms to go into and shut the door.  Then they proceed to play together in there with relatively little fighting (mostly).  Listening through the door is one of the best things ever.  My thoughts generally go down one of three paths: where did they get that?! … OMG they sound exactly like me/their dad … rolling on the floor laughing.  As a teacher we find it extremely informative to watch how a child plays pretend.  It says a lot about their home life, etc.  It’s no less interesting as a parent, and definitely eye-opening!

Re-experiencing Things Through Their Eyes

There’s a reason kids make Christmas so magical.  They have a fresh newness and adoration for it that you haven’t experienced since you were a kid.  You get to re-experience it vicariously through them, and it is awesome.  Watching my kids brings back all the magic and good memories from my own childhood.  First time at the beach, building a sandcastle, catching fireflies, it’s all so much more awesome because you are sharing it.  Sometimes it’s an old family tradition, sometimes it’s something you forgot you ever did until they ask, but it’s always amazing.

Explaining Things

This goes hand-in-hand with re-experiencing things.  Your kid asks you a question and you have to answer it, but you have to tone it down in a way that they can understand.  It makes you think about things in a whole new way, and gives you some pretty cool insights.  This happens to me a lot in traffic:

Ashlynn:  Mommy!  Go!  Go now!  I want to go to the store!

Me: I can’t.  We’re at a stoplight.

Ashlynn: Why?  Go!  There’s no cars! 

Me: I can’t.  The light is red.  Mommy would get in trouble.

Ashlynn: Why?

And since I really can’t explain traffic tickets and fines to my two-year old, I have to talk about rules and being safe and policemen and it makes me see the situation in a completely different light.  Also, sometimes it makes me learn new things, like when Corinne asked me if spiders sleep standing up or lying down the other day…

Okay, so there are more than 10.  Sue me.

You Totally have an Awesome Excuse

Oh come on.  Don’t tell me as a parent you haven’t used your kid(s) at one time or another to get out of something you didn’t want to do.  Or call off work.  Or at least get off a boring phone call because oh no Billy is crying and I really have to go now bye!  Sometimes the excuse is honest to God real, and sometimes it’s not.  But no one knows, and I’ll never tell.  Promise.

Free to Act Like a Kid

I freaking love play dough and coloring.  But if I sat around and did it all day as a single 20-year-old (or a married any year old, or whatever) people would look at me funny.  Kids give you license to do fun stuff and people just say “Awwwww, look at her/him playing with their kids!  What a great parent!”  So now I can play in the sand, roll down a hill, sled ride, have a slumber party, play in piles of leaves…the list goes on and on-and it’s a GREAT list!

I’ve loved sharing this list with you, and thanks for reading, it truly made me be really introspective about parenting!  But now I want to know…what would you add?  I know I missed some, there are thousands of reasons parenting is awesome.  Please share!

November Fan-Dom

Here are some of the things I loved, discovered, or remembered that I loved in November!

My Keurig

Have I mentioned that I have a Keurig?  I can’t believe I haven’t!!  We bought it as our “Yay Tax Return!” present back in March, and I’ve loved it ever since.  I’ve got to say that if you’re a “drink two entire pots of coffee every day” person, this machine is not for you.  But, if you only drink one or two cups a day, it’s perfect!  Since it makes single cup servings, you never waste any coffee-and it takes about 3 minutes to make a fresh cup!

Plus, it makes not only coffee but teas, cocoa, cappuccino, mocha, hot apple cider and more.  You can even brew over ice and make cold beverages…yummies!  There are hundreds of varieties, although I am currently addicted to Pumpkin Spice coffee and Kahlua coffee.

As an ultra-secret hint, this machines “large cup” setting boils the perfect amount of water to instantly make Ramen Noodles-one of Corinne’s current favorites.

Break Off Cookies

Dear Cookie Gods, please forgive me for being the world’s laziest cook sometimes, but I need me some fresh cookies without the muss, fuss and mess that comes with making my own, ya know?

Honestly…nothing beats these cookies for taste and convenience, although I won’t be using them much in December once my family does their huge cookie bake-off!

Great Clips

I love Great Clips because they fixed my daughter’s hair after she CHOPPED IT OFF.  Yes, that’s right.  She was reenacting the final scene from Tangled and cut her hair off to see if it would turn brown like Rapunzel’s.  Although she then pointed out that her hair was actually “Already kinda brown.”

It's business in the front and a party in, no, we couldn't even get away with that.

Good Lord.  It could have been SO much worse though…she didn’t cut it too awfully short, she didn’t cut her sister’s hair, and there are no bald spots.  Plus, she managed to come up smelling like roses because her new haircut is just freakin’ adorable on her.

Ranalian Chicken (Ranch+Italian=Ranalian)

1 pack of dry chicken gravy
1 pack of dry ranch dressing
1 pack of dry italian dressing
1 cup water
boneless, skinless chicken breasts

Throw it all in the crock pot, set it on low, and enjoy.  I guarantee you will not be sorry.  If you want to use beef or pork, just switch to the appropriate gravy.  Mmmmmm…nomnomnom.  And virtually no work involved.  My kind of dinner.


Seriously, layaway saved our Christmas this year.  We managed to buy gifts for everyone without having to charge one.single.thing to a credit card.  AND we even got the shopping for Corinne’s birthday in February done. (It’s a notorious money crunch just due to timing.)  Thank you retailers for realizing that not everyone wants to open a new charge account! 

Now if I could figure out how to stop buying my children more stuff.  At this point, they are going to have to start in the hall and open their way into the living room over the course of several hours.

Once Upon A Time

This show is AWESOMENESS.  I am an enormous sci-fi and fantasy fan, and this show gets it right.  I’m seriously in love (which, I am sorry, means they’ll probably cancel it really soon…they usually do that when I like a show. CAMELOT…coughcough)  Set in dual worlds, one storyline tells of a town in our time locked under a curse where no one knows who they really are.  The other story tells of a world from the past full of fairy tale characters on the brink of being sent to a place void of happiness…our world.  The plot is excellent and well-paced and the costumes, acting, and special effects are all extremely well done.  There’ve only been about 5 episodes, so check it out this Sunday night!!

So what if it’s only November 27?

Happy Thanksgiving!

I like that holiday and all.  I mean, huge spreads of food are never bad, am I right?

You pilgrims shut up or I will let Santa run over you with his sleigh

But seriously, it’s all part of Amy’s Giant Count Down To Sqeeee Christmas Is Almost Here Yay!!

I know that’s is still November.  Yeah, whatever.  Less than 30 days til Christmas!!!

Here are some Christmas tidbits we have had so far:

—Our Elf on the Shelf is named Mr. Strawberry.  He’s pretty damn awesome.  A conversation about Mr. Strawberry:

Ashlynn: Can I tooouuucchhh him?

Me: No.  Remember?  If you touch him, he loses his magic!

Ashlynn: Oh. Can I touch him ANYWAYS?!

Also?  Corinne has already informed Mr. Strawberry that Mommy is mean and shouldn’t get any presents.  On multiple occasions.

—The other day the girls put money in a Salvation Army red bucket.  The bellringer apologized that he was out of candy canes.  Corinne replied: “That’s ok, I don’t need anything back!” (I about exploded with pride!)

—Today I walked out of the bathroom to find Ashlynn wearing only one sock.  I asked her where her sock went.  Her reply?  “The dog took it off.”  I had a hard time believing that.  So I moved on to “Well, where is it now?”  Her answer: “In the Christmas tree.”  And sure enough, crammed deep in the recesses of our tree was a tiny pink sock. 

A few minutes later my doubts about the dog were put to rest when I watched him open our swinging baby gate with his teeth.  So, he probably did steal that sock.  And now I know I can train him to do the dishes or something if he’s that smart, right?

—Yesterday we went to Walmart to look for a Christmas tree.  (I KNOW, right?!  Our pre-lit tree decided to only light 2/3 of the way this year!  WTH?!  And why are decent Christmas trees like $200+?  It is Christmas time people-I do not have that kind of extra muh-nee) 

While we were there, we walked past Santa and of course Corinne wanted to sit on his lap.  Ashlynn was willing to look, but not get within 3 feet.  So I picked her up and put him on his bench…leading to perhaps the world’s most awesome Santa picture ever:

Check out that two-year-old Atti-TUDE

And then we got home and I told Corinne to tell Daddy who we saw at the store.  Her reponse?

“Some guy dressed up like Santa Claus.”