Control Yourself

I cannot.  I simply can’t keep my mouth shut.  I just have to say something about the total ridiculousness that is going on here.

Hashtags.  There’s a way to use them and a way to not, and I gotta open my big mouth and clear this up for the people who apparently have no idea what they are doing. Which is, specifically, bugging the hell out of most of us.  It’s got to stop or you’re all gonna get smacked.

First of all, this is a pound symbol-#  Maybe I’m an old and ancient relic, but when I see that symbol, my old fashioned brain reads it as “pound.”  So type #Jimmy under your boyfriend’s picture, all I hear is “Pound Jimmy.”  Now why would you pound Jimmy?  Jimmy seems like a nice guy.  I mean, he hangs out with you despite your blatant abuse of pound signs, doesn’t he?  Don’t pound Jimmy.

Speaking of reading, did you know your brain automatically reads punctuation?  It treats a comma, period, or other mark as basically another word.  This is how you pace yourself and hear yourself read in your head.

So-do you? know how# hard it, is to read a sentence! peppered (with inappropriate) punctuation?

If you do that crap, I’m seriously not reading your stuff.  I’m passing by and laughing, yes.  It makes you seem silly and kind of uneducated.  But actually reading it?  Nope.

Oh, and speaking of uneducated, hashtags shouldn’t be your excuse to say something without using spaces, periods, or apostrophes.  No one wants to try to read something that says:

#hastagsarestupidwhenpeopleusethemtopractiallytypeparagraphsbecausetheyaretoolazytousepunctuation

Honest to GOD, there is a very good reason we use spaces in our language.  My second grade teacher explained this to me when I wrote my first cursive sentence and joined all the words by accident.  You know, when I was eight.  I guess I can ask her to email you if you’re confused.

Also, on Facebook, hashtags still pretty much mean nothing.  And people are like, “I use them to sort my Instagram pictures!”  Cool, cool.  I’m ok with that.  Can you show me the album of pictures you have labeled #thisissosweetIlaughedmybuttoff?  Are you going to tell me you have an album full of pictures called that?  Also, if you are sorting pictures, why do you have five different hashtags?  Does a copy of your picture of a glass of wine go into all of the following albums? #wine #gettinmydrinkon #wineywhiny #fiveoclocknowhere #soboredItookapicofwineandpostedit    If so, why did you need five different copies of your wine glass picture?  Couldn’t you just have an album called #wine?

And that, I guess, is what truly gets me.  Hashtags are/were originally intended to allow people to search for stuff.  Say you like tigers.  You get on Twitter and search #tigers.  And tweets with #tigers in it come up for you to see.  (Still hearing “pound tigers,” by the way.  Please don’t pound tigers.  They’re endangered, ya know.)  To me, this makes total sense.  I honestly wish Facebook did this.  Like when I had my baby, there were like 30 people taking pictures of him.  I wish I could have searched for #baby and had all his pictures in one place.  Sweet.

However.  Search terms have to be kind of specific or they don’t work.  So no, if you hashtag your tiger picture as #stripeykittywillbiteoffyourfaceforpoundingit, odds are, no one else will ever search for that ever.  Ever ever.

See, most hashtags are really not sorting.  Not search terms.  Commentary.  They’re commentary.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love commentary.  But friends, just make it commentary.  Say what you want to say.  We’ll read it.  Much more readily than #ihaveacommentiwantoshare or #hereiswhereitalkaboutcrap.

Still lost?  Check out these examples!  Made by me!  With 100% all-American snark!

Picture One: Cute Kitty!

kitty

DO: Look at this adorable picture I found!  I really love kittens!  And the ducks just make it cuter! #kittens

DON’T: OMG Look at this #ilovekittens #ducksareawesome #ifyoutookthispictureirippeditoff

Picture Two: Food

chicken

DO:  I tried a new recipe tonight and it tasted just like KFC!  It was delicious!  #recipes

DON’T: Fried chicken!! #friedchicken #cloggedarteries #iatethisandyoudidntneenerneener #heartburnsucks

Picture Three:  Family Member Pics

babydoll

DO:  Here is my kid Gwenevere!  She is so cute when she plays with her toys!  Maybe she’ll grow up to be like Mommy! #Gwenevere

DON’T: #lovethiskid #blonde #cuterthanyourkid #adorable #cute #sweet #chubby #blonde #blueeyes #tentoes #twoears #purpleheadband #spottedshirt #greenpopsicle #youshouldunfriendmenow

So there you have it.

hshtag

Ten Thoughts for the Week

Or maybe the month.  I don’t know.  I can’t seem to do this crap weekly and certainly not on the SAME day of the week so every once in a while I’m just gonna throw my random thoughts up here and you can read them if you’d like and maybe even sometimes they will be funny.  Also I cannot guarantee there will be ten.  Sorry.

And I really DO have thoughts because I have started a listie thing on my iphone where I right down thoughts I want to put on here.  But sometimes I can’t remember what I was talking about or things get autocorrected and then I cannot understand my own notes.  See?

Seriously. What the heck is all that even supposed to mean?

And you can see on there where I had to write down my kids’ weights and heights from their doctors appointments.  So I can put them in their baby books and show them I was a good mom because I knew how much they weighed in June 2013.  And I didn’t make a separate note for that because having too many notes lights my OCD on fire.

And so.

#1

Let’s get that whole “Extemporaneous Pacing Licks Things In” taken care of right off the bat.  First, that should say locks, not licks.  Autocorrect is gross.  Anyways, I was just thinking the other day that when I was in high school, I was an extemporaneous speaker.  That means we drew a current event and then had 30 minutes to write a 5 minutes speech about it.  To help us memorize our speeches, we would all pace in a giant circle and mutter to ourselves.  It was gorgeous.  Even among speech kids, we were the crazies. Well, it still works the same today-if I want to remember something big and important, I have to pace.  Preferably in a circle.  I’m not 100% sure why no one has committed met yet, in case you were going to ask.

#2

Eight is my lucky number.  I never had a lucky number, because I think it’s kind of random and dumb, but when God points at something with a big freaking neon sign, I guess it’s a good idea to listen.  I got hired into my favorite school district on the 8th, then got promoted on the 8th.  Two of my children were born on the 8th.  It’s pretty blatant.  So if I ever go to Vegas and someone has convinced me that gambling is not stupid, I guess I’ll put my money on 8.

#3

I get to be a bridesmaid for the first time in my life!  Even though I have been married for almost nine years and am in no way a maid! Except maybe the cleaning kind!  I have to say that I have been invited to be a bridesmaid in two other weddings but then got summarily dismissed for the cardinal sin of getting pregnant.  But not this time!  Also when trying my dress on after having given birth two months ago, I found that I only do not fit into my pre-baby size because I am nursing and it has fun side effects.  Let me tell you how THAT made my day!

#4

I am addicted to garage sales.  Someone help me.

#5

I enjoy reading Junie B. Jones because she makes me laugh more than the children.

#6

The Mortal Instruments series is really good.  So is Beautiful Creatures.  You should read them.

#7

Thoughts 4 through 10 are short because my infant is crying and getting hungry.

#8

I promise to explain the other junk on my Iphone listie at a later date or if you ask me in the comments if you just can’t stand the suspense.

#9

I forgot who all I sent invites to for Ashlynn’s birthday party and had to check with several people to make sure they got invites.  It made me look like I was inviting them at the last minute but really I had baby brain.  Sorry people, I really do love you though I promise.

#10

You probably think I’m crazy now.  Seems like a good place to end this.  Til next time!!

 

 

Ten Thought Tuesday

 

1. I don’t know why there are grippies on the bottoms of newborn socks.  It’s not like they do a lot of dancing or anything.

2. If someone looked up my check-out history at the library, they’d think I was a psycho.  Or at least had multiple personality disorder.

3. Regarding #2…I enjoy reading true crime sometimes…but it always makes me feel kind of…icky.  Like I eavesdropped on something I wasn’t supposed to see.  Anyone else?

4. I vow to not sit on my you-know-what all this summer.  So my daughters and I made a big list of things to do and we will choose one at LEAST every other day and do it.

5.  I am seriously into starting a family journal with my kids.  I want us to be able to think about our day and write down the things we did and/or learned that day.  I just need to find a cute enough notebook.

6. Kamden is pulling off the unique trick of appearing to grow every single day but still managing to only fit in newborn size clothing.

7.  The Beautiful Creatures series by Margaret Stohl is pretty darn good.  You should check it out.  I hear the movie’s junk, though.

8. My new neighbors are confused about our property line and keep mowing half our grass.  Despite the fact that we routinely mow that grass, too.  I wonder if they think we are mowing their grass?  Confusion reigns.

9. I’m watching The Hobbit.  That means that, probably within the next month, I will be re-reading The Hobbit.  And then probably the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy.  Tolkien was a full-on genius.  No really, he was.  I know.  I had to write a fifteen page paper on him for grad class.  Did you know he wrote the “W” section of the Oxford Dictionary?  Yup.

10.  If you are a human being and own a computer, you need to get yourself over to zulily.com.  You are welcome.

Seriously. The grippies. WHY?

 

Happy Hurricane Day!

I live in Northeast Ohio.  We kind of get the short end of the weather stick in a lot of ways.  We’re a little too far north to get lots of tropical temps and all the benefits, and we are a little too far South to get enough snow to do awesome things like build igloos.

However, we do manage to get heat waves, floods, tornadoes, blizzards, earthquakes (!), lake effect snow, droughts, northeasters and massive rain and wind storms.  But a hurricane.  That’s pretty much something we avoid, being smack dab in the middle of a continent and all.  Until now anyways!  Ohio got it’s first hurricane last night!  Woot!  Hi Sandy!  Lots of rain and wind and my house made noises it is probably not supposed to really make!

Anyways, here is my favorite interpretation of Ohio’s four seasons for you to giggle at.  Or point and make fun of.  Whatever.

Season One: Almost Winter (some people call this fall)

Season Two: Winter (this season lasts six months in Ohio)

Season Three: Still Winter (some people call this spring, I think)

Season Four: Construction (aka-when we get the shit done we can’t get done the other ten months of the year. Notice that the grass is all dead from the extreme heat)

I would not have lived for 30+ years in Ohio if I did not enjoy it, so do not fill my comment boxes with nastiness about moving if you don’t like it.  I don’t have to move if I don’t like the weather.  I live in Ohio.  I wait five minutes.

Things I Bet Pinterest Didn’t Mean to Do

Just like about 67% of women, I am registered with, and addicted to, Pinterest.  Unlike I’m guessing, oh, 95% of that 67% I’ve actually done some of the things on it, including trying out crafts and making new recipes.  I’ve even printed out some of the teacher activities and used them in my classroom.  But then the other day I started to think that Pinterest was just originally created to let people share fun ideas, but it’s grown into this enormous media monster.  And with that, I think it’s totally had some unintentional side effects…

Pinterest Pisses Off Photographers

You used to show up at a photo shoot and the photographer might suggest a background or two, hand you or your kids or whatever some props and woohoo, great cute pics!  But I can just see how this has changed.  There are SO many cute and perfectly posed pictures on Pinterest of families, weddings, babies, etc.  You just know that now people come into photography photos waving their Pinterest smart phone apps and declaring they want pictures “just like this!”  And knowing people in general, I’ll bet they won’t just take to heart the fact that the chance of your newborn falling asleep naked wearing a bow and smiling just as the camera clicks is probably a one in a million shot.  They want that shot now and too bad for the photographer if they can’t get it!  Ugh…if I was a photographer, I’d roll my eyes every time someone started to say “I found this on Pinterest…”  Oh wait, that would mean I’d roll my eyes at myself, since last time we had family pics, I looked up good outfit combos…on Pinterest.  And I’ve been posting lots of maternity pics…on Pinterest. Oopsie.

Oh come ON, you know he just farted. At least.

Degrade Women

So I read this extremely interesting article the other day about how Pinterest is setting back women’s self-images by decades.  For a long time women have been fighting the false and perfect images that appear in magazines, etc.  Sites such as jezebel.com and others have worked hard to show women that the expectations are unrealistic.  Yet loads of pins on pinterest are full of workout routines, ways to lose weight, and recipes that make sure to state the number of calories.  I can’t find the article to save my life 😦 but it was excellently written and really made me think!

Really?

Seriously? Would you even say that to your friend? Daughter? Why would you say it to yourself?!

Make Us All Perfectionists

I have two (and like 1/3) kids.  I have a full-time (or more) job and I go to grad school.  I do not have time to make a cupcake that looks like Minnie Mouse’s freaking dress.  And if a recipe requires me to go to more than one supermarket for ingredients or dirty more than like, 2 pots while I cook it, tough crap it isn’t happening.  Same with crafts.  I heart crafting.  And maybe someday when I win the lottery and am much older but hopefully not dead, I will take the approximately 4 years to make all the crafts I have pinned.

Here’s the thing-MILLIONS of people are pinning these things.  You (and I) are only one person.  If we pin all these millions of people’s things, obviously we will not possibly accomplish them.  But we feel guilty because someone, somewhere, did all this stuff.  Right?  I know I’ve debated deleting my “Crafts for the Kids” board a few times because there are some great ideas on it…but my chances of getting to most (ok, any) of them are probably zero.  At least until summer.  When I have a newborn.  So there’s that.

Also? If you have time to do this crap with your nails I am coming to your house personally and forcing you to fold my laundry.

Creep Out Most Unmarried Guys (and some married ones)

I can think of two times it is ok to plan a wedding.  If you are currently engaged, and if you are actively in a wedding party for someone who is engaged and has asked for your help planning.  That’s it.  If you ain’t got a ring on it, just say no.  I have friends on pinterest that do not even have a CAT, let alone a boyfriend, and they pin 300 wedding things a day.  People!  You creep me out!!  Also, I do not understand people that are happily married and have a huge wedding pinterest board.  For what?  In case you randomly get divorced? Or your spouse dies or something?  Isn’t that…morbid?  Or at least creepy?

I mean, I have a few things pinned since I have an unmarried younger sister in a long-term relationship, but the percent of my total pins would be like…1%.  I have a friend that does it best.  She’s married.  Not anticipating divorce.  And done having kids.  So all her wedding and baby stuff (which isn’t much) goes on a board called “For Others.”  Also, there are only so many ways you can make a purple and blue bouquet…you don’t need to pin 300 varieties for cryin’ out loud.

Create Eleventy Billion New Cliches

I love snarky little slogans as much as the next person.  Sarcasm is my language of choice when dealing with most human beings.  But seriously people, some sayings die because they need to.  And some never got popular for a flippin’ reason.  Also, if these don’t stop, I’m gonna have to lay the smackdown on humanity:

I typed “Keep Calm” into google and it gave me over eight million results. God save us all.

Long Overdue

Okay, so here’s the deal.    I am seriously being so, so bad, people.  Up until this point, I’ve been super good about “getting it done” and pushing through the tired and the morning sick but ugh, I cannot get my damn self with it this weekend!  (Week?)

So it’s been like what?  A month since I posted?  Would you believe I’ve been undercover in a foreign nation without internet access?  No?  Fine then.  Believe what you want.  BE that way.  😛

There’s the good stuff…

Both of my children have taken to school like ducks to water.  They pop out of bed each morning ready to take off and learn, and they adore it.  Although sometimes Ashlynn tells me that she “can’t tell me what she learned for the day because it’s a secret.”  Weirdo.  And ohmigod, they sleep in on weekends now.  And by sleep in, I mean 8:00 instead of 6:45 but STILL, an hour and fifteen minutes is a super long time when it is sleep we are discussing.

There’s the mediocre stuff…

My pregnancy is both very good and not so good.  I’m twelve weeks on Monday, (YAY!) but seriously, I’m still sick.  Blurgh.  Even with nausea meds from the ob (100% pregnancy safe), I still find myself gagging at random moments.  It’s been eight weeks…it’s gotten old a very long time ago!  I’ve lost weight and my appetite has been gone so long that I can’t even remember when I had one.  However, I’m super hopeful that now that my first trimester is ending hopefully the worst is behind me and that I’ll get that lovely second trimester energy boost (Please!)

And there’s the uck stuff…

I don’t know how to say this without just saying it, and I’m not looking for pity or whatever, I’m just venting.

I feel guilty all.the.time.

I feel guilty that I give the bare minimum to grad school instead of what I know I am capable of.

I feel guilty that my icky-to-this-point pregnancy has placed a huge burden on my husband.

I feel guilty that my husband isn’t as happy at his job as I am at mine when he works so hard.

I guess, truly, I feel like I am constantly juggling so MANY people’s happiness at all times- my husband’s, children’s, professors, my own extended family, friends.  Oh, and my own!  This is a whole new juggling act for me, and frankly, I feel like I’ve dropped a few balls sometimes.  Hopefully that improves in the future as I start feeling better and get much more used to my new (crazy) (busy) (amazing) life!

Aside

And Then This Happened…

I have not written a post in forever, and I gotta say…that’s probably going to keep happening for a while.  Sorry.  Life is awesome and amazing and so, so crazy busy.

Last time we talked, in this post, I had just finished up getting my classroom ready for the school year.  I was as prepared as I could ever be for a group of wildly diverse 1-4 grade gifted students!

And then this happened**…

The first day of school!!  It was everything I ever dreamed!  My students are so very fantastic.  Intelligent, intuitive, but still just kids…fun-loving kids.  But then I went home and cried a little.  Cuz whoa.  I SO want to do things right for them.  I’m glad I have such a wonderful school district to support me.  Our biggest challenge is classroom management. (I have 28 kids that are SO VERY smart enough to know how to get away with things.)

Maybe my aide said it best…someone walked past her in the hall and said “Hey, how’s Amy doing?”  And she replied, “You know!  Crazy!  Stressed! On cloud nine!”  That about says it all. 🙂

And after the first week, I started to get into the swing of things.

And then this happened…

Grad school!

Now seriously, I do enjoy the pertinence and challenge of grad school.  Not so sure about the challenge of grad school with papers to grade and lessons to plan and…stuff.  BUT..I’m gonna get through it. And I plan on getting a freakin’ A, too.  Cuz that’s how I roll.

And then this happened…

Ashlynn started preschool.  My baby, my little one, my precious girl.  She headed right off to school and never even looked back.  No tears, no crying for Mommy, just a huge smile and heading off to school.  I still haven’t figured out if that made it easier or harder.

And then this happened…

 

Corinne started kindergarten.  She popped out of bed her first morning like toast from the toaster.  She’s been ready for kindergarten since she was, um, about 2 years old.  She’s right down the hall from me (which I love), and she adores her teacher.  Her friends.  The cafeteria.  Art class.  Lunch.  Recess.  All of it.  She talks about nothing else.  I’m proud to say I made it through orientation without tears, although I did almost lose it when she leaned over and said “I’ll miss you, Mommy, but I’ll see you at the end of the day!”

And then this happened…

Baby Number 3!

Now don’t take this wrong-this baby was totally planned.  I’ve always wanted three, and the whole time I was pregnant with Ashlynn, I just felt it wasn’t the last time.  This time is-so I plan on savoring it!  I’m due on April 15th (or, as the doctor said: “More due than just taxes that day!  Harhar)  And seriously, I am that sickening girl that loves being pregnant.  Except right now, I am just sickening.  Sick as a dog.  And “morning sickness” be damned.  24/7.  I wake up at 3am to pee and also feel the need to gag.  So yes, I am savoring this pregnancy.  But yes, I am also looking forward to a time when stifling nausea is no longer my hobby.

**I would like to clarify that these things did not happen in this chronological order, but rather all in one giant crazy whirlwind clump of like a week and a half.  Woooooo!!

I promise to be back.  Sometime.  Soonish.  Hopefully.  Probably!

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